I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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