As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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