I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
