she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
