i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
