What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
