Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
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You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize