and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do herpes really smell.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
