It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
