When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize