hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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