why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
