so explain again why im purple
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.