Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...