There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.