i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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