first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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