he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
