Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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