I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.