he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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