the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
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When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.