i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
You may now shotgun with the bride
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.