hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.