Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
