My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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