Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
