Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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