Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
