Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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