I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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