OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
