Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
