wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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