Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
