After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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