i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
