I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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