he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Mom said you looked used
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
