its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
