Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
