hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My hand turned me down
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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