God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
