we're blogging at a bar
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
