my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
