I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize