Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
