That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
