Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
