And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
