white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
