Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Semen is not good for contacts.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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