Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
