My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
