Barsexuality is the new black.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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