Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
