You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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