he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
