my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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