Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
