Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
