DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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