i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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