stop calling my apartment porn island.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
