PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
