I bet he comes in French.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
