I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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