My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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