Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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