I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
