Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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