i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
