His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
