Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
