I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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