Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
