dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
