guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
