Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
